Last year a family acquaintance had the sad necessity to get rid of their 9 year old cat. The cat had been an only-cat for her entire life and, aside from trips to the vet, had never been outside. We were happy to welcome her to our house where we already had three cats who, as far as we could tell, all got along very well.

We carefully introduced the newcomer to the house by first giving her a separate room that she could explore at her own speed. We started with the door closed then, after a few days, we screened off the door so that the cats could easily smell each other's presence and even catch a glimpse. After awhile we lowered the barrier enough so that the new cat could get over it if she wished. When she came out on her own, then we took down the screen entirely, but left her own litter box in there. It took a month over all, but eventually she came out and joined the house and the other cats went into "her room" again (and she permitted it) and all seemed to be well down in cat world.

Then sadly, over the past year, two of our cats separately became very ill and died within a few months of each other. We hadn't realized it until they passed that the two who died had been performing a cat-culture role in our cat household. The third of our original three cats is an aggressively playful (former) male. He grew up from a very, very young age in the presence of the other two cats so that they knew him and his "moves" and knew how to deal with him when he came a-stalking.

If he pounced on the new cat, she didn't know how to return the rough-house play. She would jump (mistake), hiss, spit, swipe (all only encouraging) and then run away and hide (always a serious mistake). Except for an occasional ambush, rough-boy cat generally left the new cat alone. To put it nicely, she was no fun. But after the other two cats died, rough-boy turned all his attention to her. In short order, he was the only creature in the house having any fun. We had to keep making peace or sweeping up pieces. (Of fur, that is.) She -- the new cat -- just couldn't figure out how to deal with rough-boy and only stared blankly when we tried to explain the "don't run away" rule.

She'd never been to kitty kindergarten and was missing some crucial kitty social skills. New cat became so stressed out that she was sometimes afraid to use the cat box for fear of being jumped by rough-boy and even developed a slight urinary tract distress because of it.

Enough is enough. Over on the Coffeerooms gURLfriends Pets board we heard about a book called Cat vs. Cat by Pam Johnson-Bennett and found, in there, that we'd basically done everything right but that, because of the way that they'd developed socially, the cats were in a sort of habitual groove that was going to be very difficult to break.

We tried more interactive play. (Stop laughing!) And we tried catching and modifying certain of their habits and traits. He clearly was "hunting" her before dinner time and immediately after, and she was just getting into a state of perpetual anxiety.

Johnson-Bennett did mention one thing in the book, Cat vs. Cat, that we'd heard of in the past but had never tried: "Feliway". Feliway is a synthetic analog of cat facial pheremones that has the effect of calming cats.

No kidding.

You don't spray it on the cats (that is a warned against bad thing to do), but you spray it on the places around your house where cats rub their cheeks. When they or another cat smells the Feliway, they get a signal that says that a friendly, non-agressive cat has been here and is in a very good and relaxed frame of mind. When your cats get this signal they relax. They mellow out. They chill.

And it works. Feliway is amazing. You can almost see the cats start passing peace signs at each other.

And here's how it works for us. Cats are creatures of habit. The habit we needed to break was that he would stalk and pounce and she would scream and run away. We knew where his favorite places are to ambush her and we new where she was most nervous to be. So, a couple of times a day, about an hour before meal times (which is about when the "me hunter, me catch food" cycle starts) we go around and spritz the cat cheek-marking spots in those places. Generally corners of walls and chair legs, about 6-8 inches off the floor.

It's remarkable. We can watch him come out of bed to start his stalking, come down the hall and encounter a whiff of Feliway and just, like, go all mellow. Sit and lick something. Play with a rag mouse. Roll over.

She will walk by like it's no big deal. The packaging calls it "Feliway Comfort Zone" and that's really what it's like; all of a sudden there's a large "zone of comfort" that comes down around the cats.

Very cool. Very quiet. No fur to clean up. Happiness in the cat box. Life in cat world is very good indeed.

According to the books and the paper in the Feliway box, it can also be used to help correct bad habits -- like urine marking or the dreaded "box aversion". I believe it.

It comes in two forms: a spray bottle and a plug-in difussion device that's sort of like a plug-in room deodorizers. Feliway has no human-discernable odor though some of the it's packed with has a little scent to it. (Either that or I'm part cat.) (Nah.)

If you have multiple cats, or just a cat with issues this stuff if definitely recommended. It's a little expensive, but very effective. (We paid $26 for our first spray bottle at a local Pet Barn, but happily we found it for just $15.99 at Amazon! [Yay Amazon!]) And the book, Cat vs. Cat by Pam Johnson-Bennett is also a great help, pleasant to read and easy to understand.

And come over to the gURLfriends' Pets board at Coffeerooms too. Lots of nice people over there sharing thoughts, ideas and advice. You and your cats (or whatever) will be very welcome there.